Stress is often cited as one of the top challenges for leaders, yet it's not talked about enough… possibly because it's hard to see how to fix it. I’d like to share why I don’t think stress exists and how you can become more resilient.

So, here's my challenge... there's no such thing as stress! It just doesn't exist - looming, waiting to creep up on you from behind - it's not something wicked leaders do to you.

I believe stress is the result of how you choose to react to the relationship between demands and resources, or in other words, how you cope with what you believe you have to deliver and the tools or resources you need to meet these demands.

When demands and resources are balanced, you can work effectively and in flow. When they are out of balance, you will be less effective... either through feeling unable to cope or through being bored.

When you realise that you can choose how to react, you can start to take back some control and reduce stress levels.

Getting the workflow balance back

If you recognise that demands and resources are out of balance, the following questions and challenges may help you to get the balance back:

Resource questions

Demand questions

Who else can help?
Can I negotiate for more time?
Do I need more money, equipment, materials?
How well developed is my resilience and positive thinking?
Can I call on my positive, pragmatic mind-set to help cope during this difficult period?

Who is asking for this?
What value will it really add?
Which of these demands is the highest priority?
What can be put off?
Can I re-negotiate what is to be delivered by when?
What can I say 'no' to?
What is not helping me achieve my goals?
How can I change the expectation of others?

Getting a grip... of your mind!!!

After years of working with people who suffer from stress and find it hard to bounce back from difficulties - and also working with others who seem to take it all in their stride, ride the storm and still deliver great results - I have come to the conclusion that it is all about what you choose to focus on.

There are four focus areas:

Backwards: How much of your thinking and time is given to events that happened in the past?
Forwards: How much of your thinking and time is given to possibilities in the future?
Concern: To what extent do you focus on areas that concern you, but over which you have no influence?
Influence: To what extent do you focus on areas that you can influence?

People who learn from the past and then move on to take these insights and focus on what they have influence over seem to be more resilient and able to cope with what life throws at them.

How can you develop greater resilience?

Be present - no more sleep walking
Recognise what is going on for you right now - not in the past, not in the future. Slow down, breathe deeply, take in information from your senses right now - what are you thinking, feeling, seeing, hearing, etc?
Notice and start to control your attention
Notice unhelpful thoughts, the voice in the back of your head, distracting thoughts such as:
- It won't work
- I'll never pull that off, I'll be found out
- They won't listen, they are useless
- It's not worth it
- If I don't say anything, I can't get it wrong
- I don't want to challenge and be seen as critical
- Best keep my head down
- Maybe it will be better tomorrow
- What am I having for tea tonight

And then bring your mind back to the moment. Practice this lots!
Detach yourself - watch the traffic
Stop letting your emotions control you - fear, concern, anger, frustration, uncertainty, excitement, etc.
Stand back, recognise what is going on, keep a perspective, focus on what you can actually influence. Imagine your thoughts and feelings are like passing traffic or passing clouds, passing in front of you... you notice them, but you are not governed by them. You are not what you think!
Letting go
Once you are able to watch the traffic, you can start to let go of unhelpful thoughts. Asking yourself 'how will focusing on this help me?' might be helpful.
Nelson Mandela, when asked why he wasn't more angry at being locked up for so long, replied "If I thought it would be useful, I would be."

Health warning: This is about changing sometimes long-ingrained habits and ways of thinking, feeling and reacting. It cannot be done overnight; it needs lots of practice, like developing any new habit. But the benefit of having deeper levels of resilience, being able to cope with pressure and being in control of your reactions, and not being gripped by something unhelpful, are immense!

Mediation really helps - take it from a Midlands lass who doesn't like kaftans or joss sticks! Try www.headspace.com.

Working with a skilled coach to help you recognise unhelpful thoughts, feelings and behaviours can lead to a significant stride forward in developing resilience. If you'd like to talk more about how we can help, we'd love to hear from you.

Contact us:
Call: +44 (0)7881 915657
Email: claire@downtoearth-development.co.uk

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